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Some of our favorite sayings,
truths learned from experience:
- Success is a choice.
- Over-constrained management is indistinguishable from mis-management.
- TANSTAAFL (There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.)
- Never assume anything except a 3% mortgage.
- I never built a booby trap that didn't catch at least one booby.
- It's Production or it's Not Exactly.
- Insanity is doing things in the same way and expecting different results.
- The technical architecture should mirror the business architecture.
As Bad as It Gets: Superbly written list of all the things you can do to make sure your project gets completely screwed up. Written by Frank Hayes, published in Computerworld.
Business
Model Tutorial: It's critical to get a good business model
of your software
application (What are the business requirements of
the software?) before you create a technical model (How
does the software function to meet the business requirements?). Creating
a good business model is what you do before you create that great UML
model, and both are big parts of Stokely Consulting's business.
Cecilie
Hoffman's tutorial explains the process.
Many business never figure out when a project is doomed, nor how to deal
with it. These projects are often called "dead horses".
Interested in a dead horse
business venture? is a funny piece showing the ways some places deal
with their dead horse projects.
Stokely Consulting's Golden Rules
of Consulting, the rules we work by and wish other consultants
would work by.
Stokely Consulting's Breadth of
Vision - A Key to Successful Consulting
Being Your Own Boss seminar given by Celeste Stokely at
LISA '96 (Chicago, IL, Sept-Oct 1996). This talk covers Stokely
Consulting's view of what it takes for you to become a successful
independent System Administration consultant. Slides and speaker
notes in
PDF format (47K bytes).
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Three Corporate Lessons:
Lesson 1:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 2:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 3:
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Morals of these lessons:
1. Not everyone who drops poop on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of poop is your friend.
3. When you're in deep poop, keep your mouth shut.
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After a long, hard day of convincing computers to do your will, take a
low-tech comfort break with good food. All these recipes are easy to make,
even for novice cooks.
Mississippi Cornbread is a salty, satisfying,
soul food recipe the webmistress grew up with.
Mexican Chocolate Brownies give a
Mexican cinnamon twist to deep chocolate, chewy brownies.
Lazy Cook's Guacamole celebrates the
avocado, pairing it with your favorite excellent salsa.
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On being a webmistress where our webmistress
gets to share the joy and to blow off steam about the pains of the job.
The Internet:
From Here to Ubiquity - Former FCC Chairman Reed Hundt's excellent
speech to the IEEE Symposium on Hot Chips, August 28, 1997.
Read his knowledgeable and entertaining view of what
we as a nation and global community need to do to get the Internet
out of its current "2 tin cans and a string" era.
The computer mouse was invented by Doug Englebart of Stanford Research
in 1967, and modern computing owes much to Mr. Englebart's genius. See
this historic U.S. Patent 3,541,541
X-Y Position Indicator
for a Display System, issued in 1970.
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The Egoless Admin
teaches 5 simple, excellent rules to system administrators:
1. Remember, it's not about you. 2. Shut up and listen. 3. Focus on actions.
4. Get out of the way. 5. Always give them something to do. By
Ross Lonstein.
Giving good report,
or, I keep doing work, why do they keep yelling at me? explains
how techies can establish good communication with management, and why it's
a very good idea to do so. Good communication can make your work
much easier. By Richard Threadgill.
SAGE
Code of Ethics is a set of ethics guidlines for system
administrators. Extremely well-written!
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How To Sing The Blues
by Lame Mango Washington
Attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with
help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and
Dr. Stevie Franklin
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Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."
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"I got a good woman", is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you
stick something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman, with
the meanest face in town."
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The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes .... sort of: "Got a good woman - with
the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher -and she
weigh 500 pound."
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The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in
a ditch; ain't no way out.
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Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues
don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft
an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays
a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
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Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to
get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
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Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any
place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Tucson is just depression,
baby. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have
the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
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A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the
blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.
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You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The
lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
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Good places for the Blues:
- highway
- jailhouse
- empty bed
- bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad places:
- Nordstroms'
- Gallery openings
- Ivy League institutions
- Golf courses
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No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you
happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
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Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
- you're older than dirt
- you're blind
- you shot a man in Memphis
- you can't be satisfied
No, if:
- you have all your teeth
- you were once blind but now can see
- the man in Memphis lived
- you have a retirement plan or trust fund
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Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger
Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also
got a leg up on the blues.
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If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the
Blues.
Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
- wine
- whiskey or bourbon
- muddy water
- black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
- Perrier
- Merlot
- Snapple
- Slim Fast
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If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to
die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken
down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or
getting liposuction.
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Some Blues names for women:
- Sadie
- Big Mama
- Bessie
- Fat River Dumpling
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Some Blues names for men:
- Joe
- Willie
- Little Willie
- Big Willie
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Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't
sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
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Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:
- name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
- first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)
- last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.
(Well, maybe not "Kiwi".)
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I don't care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer- you
cannot sing the blues.
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